First, let’s clear up the misconception that’s getting the IRB awfully upset at the moment, poor dears. Rugby’s global guardians seem to think that the Springboks wore white bands emblazoned with the word ‘Justice’ as a protest against Bakkies Botha an absurd two week ban for a good, hard clean out. (Botha may have done some daft things in his career, but this was simply a great example of a hard man doing his job and nothing more.)

The reality is that there was no protest at all: the team was merely expressing moral support for Victor Matfield’s Zimbabwean gardener, Justice, who was down with glandular fever, and in need of a boost.

Best wishes to Justice, then, who apparently is making a solid recovery; be nice if Syd Millar could get the IRB to send him some flowers, and possibly some small change. Rugby’s taking a brief break, though, despite headlines such as these — the Absa Currie Cup kicks off this weekend with some major clashes, but in the aftermath of the Lions tour, it’ll take a little while for the competition to catch fire, particularly with a Tri-Nations to deflect attention as well. A breather after an enthralling series, then — and time for the more sedate pursuits of cricket and cycling.

The central delight of an Ashes series, if you live in this part of the world, is that one of England or Australia will lose; the downside is that one of them will win, and we’ll have to endure the scenes of triumph. (England’s 2005 celebrations are as close to the Rio carnival as English cricket will ever get.) But as with the Lions, the series is about more than just the immediate contest — the vibrant history and entrenched tradition of the Ashes makes it the game’s definitive clash, albeit one that hasn’t been the most competitive over the last two decades.

And on the evidence of the first two days, it might not be overly competitive this time out either — the key to this series is which side can produce the less benign attack, and England are unlikely to get much out of relying on Andrew Flintoff bending his back, and little more. Australia’s top eight, as Mitchell Johnson dictates we must term it, looks more potent than England’s, and unless Pietersen inspires some huge totals and Steve Harmison’s lethal alter ego returns to the side, the Australians are looking a good bet. Unfortunately.

For a novel spin on the series, David Lloyd (Bumble to his loyal legion of admirers) is popping up on Twitter several times a day; not quite the prolific Tweeting of Bob Skinstad, say, who is responsible for between eight and 11 percent of all South African Twitter traffic on any given day, but still enough to add a quirky inside perspective from the Sky commentary team on the unfolding Test. (For example: “Lovely cheese and onion sandwiches have arrived. Sir Ian seems to be guarding them. But I have used distraction tactic to pinch one.” And every day signed off with a quaintly affectionate, “Your pal, Bumble”.)

That takes care of the afternoons, then; for the evenings, it’s over to France, and the event that’s undergone a significant rejuvenation thanks to the return of its king. Just why Armstrong has returned is a matter of animated debate in cycling circles — he doesn’t need the money, he doesn’t have anything to prove, and there’ll be French journalists under his bed and hiding in his cupboard, desperate to prove that Armstrong really does snort crocodile blood pre-race, or eat illegal quantities of pre-stage jelly babies. No single professional sportsman will ever have been under such scrutiny, and that alone would seem reason to give the race a very wide berth.

But whatever the reason (I suppose there’s only so much conversation with an Olsen twin one can endure, which may be a contributing factor), Armstrong is back, and a battered race with shredded reputation and flagging interest, suddenly has us all clinging onto Phil Liggett’s every utterance as the Tour unfolds in new light. Lance is back, and suddenly everything seems okay again — and should Lance win again, it’ll add a further extraordinary chapter to sport’s most resilient fairytale.

The combination, then, of the return of Armstrong, cricket that lasts more than half an hour, and (next weekend) the Open Championship, has measured the sporting pace a little, and offered respite from a Lions series that was emotionally draining, and the frenetic 20-over assault. We have to accept that today, there will always be sport to lure us to grounds and to televisions (Tuesday morning weddings should be mandatory); at least we have some meaningful variety. Yellow jersey for Lance, then, as well as an ignoble 0-0 Ashes draw, and a speedy recovery for Justice from that glandular fever.

  • Contact Dan at dan@metropolis.co.za
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