iafrica.com Contributing Editor and Castle Cape Town Tens commentator Dan Nicholl reports back from the second edition of the tournament ? a weekend of running rugby, cold beer, and a dismal performance from Bob Skinstad.

Friday: On the back of Rob Louw?s ?Celebrate Life? golf day with the eLan South African Rugby Legends, the elderly stars haul themselves off the course and head for Hamiltons, host of the Castle Cape Town Tens for another year. Pieter Muller directs traffic for a coaching clinic that includes Tana Umaga, Tim Horan, Damian Smith, Eric Miller and Pat Howard as guests; Jeremy Paul sends his apologies, having met a lovely Ukrainian lady at a club the night before, and being otherwise occupied.

Clinic done, the rugby gets underway, as does the Castle marquee, where Horan, Smith and Howard, having spent the earlier part of the day wine routing with Tiaan Strauss, are now in excellent spirits; none more so than Howard, who is coaxed on stage during the welcoming ceremony, and performs a dance routine that appears to be based on Howard coming into contact with a high voltage electric cable while attempting to win a boxing match. Fleck welcomes everyone, Skinstad thanks the sponsors and reiterates how excited he is about playing, and the evening then descends into a cheerful blur, to the sounds of top Cape Town band ?Me and Mr. Brown?. Bring on Saturday.

Saturday: Weary heads after an enthusiastic Friday night?s opening party, but games get underway as scheduled at 8:30; the Internationals, though, who?ve been out with Tens CEO Robbie Fleck, are looking a little worse for wear, and Skinstad is nowhere to be seen. The Stellenbosch side, who?ve been promised UCT scholarships if they win the tournament, look menacing early on, as do John Deere, the team of farm workers from Ceres, who overcome the loss of talismanic playmaker Carl Jorgens to a nude breakdancing injury the previous evening to start with a win.

There?s plenty of emotion, particularly from Matt Phillips, the big Kiwi who played a handful of games for Italy with modest success; recently engaged, he borrows the microphone to read out a poem he?s written for his absent fiancee. Touching stuff, if rather simply written; Horan and Howard are reduced to tears, as is Leon Lloyd, a postman from Wigan who?s won a competition to travel out and play with the International team in the Tens as part of Canterbury?s sponsorship. The Internationals look anything but on the field, the low point being Jeremy Paul attempting to take a pass while eating a boerewors roll; statistics confirm Paul has 72 Test caps, and 68 minutes of actual Test rugby.

The games finish early in time for a move across to the new Robbie Fleck Stadium, the Springbok centre having edged out Desmond Tutu in a poll to decide who the stadium should be named after; Horan and Umaga lead the Internationals against a South African Legends side in the first game of rugby at the Robbie Fleck Stadium, played in front of 40 000 people. The stadium is magnificent, an open, sweeping coliseum that provides a majestic stage for some huge Braam van Straaten hits, Horan?s only tackle of the entire weekend, a breathtaking run from Ron Rutland, and Robbie Kempson scoring the first try of his rugby career, schoolboy matches included.

One shambolic Stormers-Boland friendly later (Fleck gets a barrage of cheerful abuse from Damian Smith about the backline he?s now coaching), and it?s back to Hamiltons for a few cold beers, a rousing performance from English band ?The Lightyears?, and a maiden appearance from Skinstad, who explains that he?s spent the morning in make-up prior to commentating on the afternoon?s games, but will definitely play in both matches the following day.

Sunday: Dismal start to the morning: Kallis fails to make his double hundred, light rain is falling on Cape Town, and several matches in the beer league have been reduced to seven- or eight-a-side, injury and the previous night?s exertions taking a combined toll. Miraculously, the Internationals are largely up and about, including Paul, who?s now indirectly contributed almost R100 000 to the Ukrainian economy in his week in Cape Town, and Smith, who?s looking every one of his 52 years. No sign of tournament hosts Fleck or Skinstad anywhere, though...

The rain clears quickly enough, though, and the remaining players surface, including the Noordhoek Vikings, who had run up a R4 000 breakfast bill the morning before that was largely built on tequila, but still played some commendable rugby to make the semifinals. UCT?s Osumo Varsity Blues and visiting Welsh side Wanchai Wanderers also look in remarkably good touch; so too do the South African Legends, AJ Venter crashing into anything in sight, and little Dave von Hoesslin revelling in a game with the adults. Watched by a fearsome management team of John Allen, Dale Santon and the mysterious Gavin Verejes, the Legends march into the veterans final, where they eventually triumph over a tough Hamiltons side.

The Internationals get Fleck back for their final game, although it?s almost fatal; hips going one way and belly the other, Fleckie somehow gets through a gap, canters 30 metres for a try, and then requires half an hour?s oxygen treatment in the medical tent. Eric Miller, the former Lions loose forward whose unfamiliarity with sunshine has him resembling a human Tipex bottle, stars for the Internationals along with Umaga and Samoan Zak Feau?nati, the man who played Jonah Lomu in ?Invictus?, and who is now hopeful of a long movie career making films that will all go straight to DVD. Still no sign of Skinstad...

As the finals near, however, and the refrains of the Tornadoes, a team made up of former members of the Drakensberg Boys Choir, ring out around Green Point, Skinstad finally makes an appearance, and is dragged off to explain his absence to Fleck, who he now works for; everything?s settled in time for the closing games, though, with the highlights being a late breakaway try for Maties to win the Premier Cup, and a win in the Plate competition of the Beer League for John Deere, sending the village of Ceres into euphoric celebration, and guaranteeing the team coverage on both pages of Ceres? monthly newspaper.

And with that, it?s back to the Castle marquee, where Skinstad gives an eloquent vote of thanks, the Tank Lanning Dancers join the winning teams on stage for a celebration, and Damien Smith insists he?ll be spending next year in the rain in Sydney with his three toddler daughters rather than come back again, which means we?re certain to see him. As we will Umaga, Horan, Howard, Miller and the rest of the stars ? 2011?s only going to be bigger. And with a major reunion planned at Matt Phillips?s wedding later this year, expect everyone from the Tens to be united in rugby nostalgia once again; provided Fleck and Skinstad make it, of course.

  • Follow Dan on Twitter at www.twitter.com/dannicholl

  • Contact Dan at dan@metropolis.co.za