Right, the iafrica.com sport's team has had just about enough of English seamer Ryan Sidebottom. No, it's not the hair — although, dude, please cut it! — or the unnecessary shouting at Monty Panesar, but rather, it's that surname...

Honestly, he must've been beaten up badly at school.

His ridiculous surname got us thinking though — just how many bad names are there out there in the sporting world?

HERE GOES:

Eric Moussambani:
Not only is his surname a tongue twister, but Eric Moussambani's nickname, 'Eric the Eel', is one of the greatest ever seen at any level of sport. 'Eric the Eel' became famous back in 2000 when he qualified for the Olympic finals of the 100m freestyle, despite swimming a time of 1:52.72! He won through, however, because the two other competitors — Karim Bare and Farkhod Oripov — were disqualified for false starts.

Danny Grewcock/Tony Woodcock/Dwayne Peel:
What is it with rugby players and their surnames being part of human anatomy?? Grewcock, Woodcock, Peel — Take your pick here ladies and gentlemen! (And we haven't even mentioned former English cricket umpire Peter Willey yet.)

Pieter Cornelis Martijn van den Hoogenband:
His nickname, 'The Flying Dutchman', ain't half-bad, but that surname — never mind those first names! — is a tongue-twister of note. Say it quickly, Van den Hoogenband, Van den Hoogenband, Van den Hoogenband... You dizzy yet?

Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas:
The wily Sri Lankan left-arm seamer is, thankfully, simply known as Chaminda throughout the cricketing world... Spaces excluded, Vaas's full name is 53 characters long, just three characters longer than teammate Hewasandatchige Asiri Prasanna Wishvanath Jayawardene. Phew... it's tiring just writing these names!

Kaka:
No first name, no last time, just Kaka. Is that written on his business card? His real name is Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite... but in Brazil, when they rate you, one name only tends to suffice.

Jan Johannes Vennegoor of Hesselink:
According to Wikipedia, his name — which, surprisingly is one of the longest in European football — derives from the 17th century, when two farming families in the Enschede area of the Netherlands intermarried. Both the Vennegoor and Hesselink names carried equal social weight, and so they chose to use both surnames. "Of" in Dutch translates to "or" in English, so, basically, this has the same effect as the double-barrelling of English surnames.

Dean Windass:
The 39-year-old Hull City striker has a rather unfortunate surname, but it doesn't help him much when his agent is quoted as saying: "Dean would like another crack at the Premier League next season". Nice... Just don't blow any wind up his, erm ass...

Tyson Gay:
Please, no Gay bashing will be tolerated on this website. The world 100 metres champion is a serious Olympic threat, despite picking up an injury at the US Olympic Trials and no matter what Bolt or Powell might think.

Cobus 'Varkhond' Grobler:
Cobus Grobler is quite a normal name, but that nickname of 'Varkhond' (which translated literally into English means 'Pig Dog') is just a killer. Some other classic rugby nicknames in South Africa: 'Straatkat' van Zyl, 'Baywatch' Grobbelaar, 'Blackie' Swart, 'Draadkar' de Lange, 'Lappies' Labuschagne...

Ryan Sidebottom:
Ok, so we've mentioned him already, but because this entire feature is based on him, we had to add him to our list of dodgy names. And, for the last time 'Siders', cut your hair.

  • Email us at sport@metropolis.co.za with any other ridiculous names we might have missed.
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