My chest closes up the minute my head submerges, I turn onto my back, taking in the frenzied mass of yellow-capped bodies behind me, and I am rocked by a kick to the back of the head. Maybe challenging my News Manager to an adventure triathlon without training was not my best idea?

Triathlons are great fun. The athletes are generally a friendly bunch, the atmosphere is always like a carnival, and the organisation of the DueSouth Xterra in Grabouw ? the SA Champs ? was exceptional. It is hard to understand why these events do not get more exposure because the athletes that take part certainly deserve it.

The Xterra, however, is not a normal triathlon ? it is all offroad. Set in an incredible valley, surrounded by a rugged backdrop of mountains and finished off with a beautiful dam as the centrepiece, this race is like nothing I have ever done before. Starting with a mad-cap swim in the dam, it is onto a treacherous and technical bike route through the mountains, and finally, another dash through the hills, only this time on foot. You will notice the total lack of tar? and sanity. There are two options to this race ? one long and one short ? I took the short.

Easy? Hell, no!

One of the first rules in any athlete's book is to be well prepared. Well, I am no athlete, and I was about as prepared for my first ever triathlon as I am to take on a hungry bear. You would think I learned my lesson from previous events, but part of the fun is the battle. At least, that's what I tell myself before every event I take on. It is also what I told Tim, iafrica.com's News Manager, who joined me on the latest challenge.

The swim is not far, but it's chaotic from the start. You spend as much time avoiding other swimmers as you do trying to stay afloat, while the differences between swimming in a pool and a dam are huge. The temperature also plays a part, and the wetsuit was necessary, but it is fair to say by the end of it I was shattered.

Next came the transition point. As it turns out this is a huge part of the race and cost me dearly. I had the foresight to attach my number on my cycling top, but I had somehow managed to pin the arm to the back! My fiance and mother (who came in support or possibly to laugh at me) later likened my transition period to "taking a shower". Meaning, of course, that I was incredibly slow and showed about as much urgency as a Home Affairs employee. I may have entered the transition point in the middle-group (at least I beat Tim in the swim, courtesy of a well-timed burst in the final 50), but I left it last. And so, I had some serious time to make up in the MTB leg of the race.

Tim was left cursing a broken chain on the MTB route, and he graciously turned down my attempts to stay. Although he later told me I would not have been able to help anyway. Some people are so ungrateful?

It didn't take him long to catch up, however, and then proceed to burn me on one of the toughest routes I have done on a bike. Riddled with treacherous singletrack, big climbs and the odd flat I was pushed to the limit. It was only then that I realised just how much puff a 400-metre swim can take out of you. It probably didn't help that we were sent off on a longer route, but that is no excuse, because everybody ended up doing the same.

I arrived back in transition spewing profanities and cursing the designer of the bike route, who will remain unnamed, the perpetrator of an incredibly cruel joke.

The run was a fair bit easier ? the route was at least ? but after a swim, and a cycle, it is fair to say that I was a broken man. Thankfully I was not alone, and the camaraderie out there is great, whether it is from one of the pros lapping you or a fellow straggler, they all have words of encouragement. The final run-in was superb ? around a kilometre across the beach and into the race village.

I was convinced I would only be seen from 500 metres out so I timed my run from when I reached that distance. Apparently my red cap gave me away, and I now have to face the mockery from my fiance, who by this stage was anxiously, awaiting my arrival and watching me stroll down the first half of the beach! But the cheerleaders were on hand to wave me in, regardless of my position, and I managed to pull off something resembling a smile, although it was probably more of a grimace as my calves began to cramp across the line?

These Xterra athletes are a hardy bunch. I think next time it would be a good idea to train first: if you want to see how the real competitors did, take a look at the official DueSouth Xterra report.